Lies Parents Tell

              When I was a little girl, I was playing too near an old metal fan.  My grandpa showed me his hand that was missing part of a finger and warned me that if I wasn’t careful that would happen to me too.  As it turned out, that was a big fat lie.  A few years ago, many years after my grandfather died, I was relating that story to someone and my husband said, “You know that he was just kidding, right?  He cut that off in an industrial accident.”  What?!  All those years I believed something that was patently untrue!
             Here’s a classic:  when my kids were little I told them about the eyes that only moms have in the back of their heads.  One night as I was rocking my toddler he was groping around the back of my head and running his fingers through my hair.  Finally, annoyed, I asked what he was doing and he said that he was seeing if he could feel the eyes in the back of my head.
                When my older son was little we lived in another state.  I had complete control in a way that people who live near grandparents will never have.  I told him that the ice cream truck was just a nice man who played music for the children.  When we moved back to our hometown and the ice cream truck rolled through our neighborhood, my mother totally blew it and bought him ice cream. 
                When I was about 5, we saw a baby fox lying dead on the side of the road.  That was so traumatic and I was distraught over the poor little creature.  What was even worse was that my mom told me it was because he wasn’t holding his mommy’s hand when he crossed the street.  Of course, it was easy to remind me of the fox whenever I balked at holding her hand to cross a street or parking lot after that.
                My 4 year old grandson still needs to take a nap, but he always says he isn’t tired.  I tell him that he only has to lie still for 10 minutes with his eyes closed and then he can get up and play.  Works every time.
             When my best friend’s kids were little, she was trying to get them to confess about something.  She told them she would just have to go back and watch the video tape and see if they were lying.  They were terrified of being caught in a lie and blurted out their misdeeds.  Incredibly, she rode that horse for years—threatening to review the invisible tape whenever she needed the truth.
              My daughter in law got a Roomba for Christmas.  She has the kids convinced that if they leave their toys on the floor, the Roomba will suck them up.  Wanna see them freak out?  Turn that baby on while the door to the playroom is open.
               Time for confession, mamas and daddies.  Tell me what lies you have told your kids.  Some of you are saying right now that you never lie to your kids.  Oh really?  I mean, even if you cut out the classics like Santa and the Tooth Fairy, I’ll be willing to bet that you have told them the Paw Patrol dvd is broken or that the candy machine at the store is broken before.  Come on.  Fess up.  There’s no judgement here.